


Whatever Happens

by Brooklyn_Hela_Jackson



Series: Tainted Love [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, F/M, Hurt Loki, Infant Death, Mind Controlled Loki, Parent Loki, Premature Birth, post surgical situations, preterm labour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-28 16:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13275129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brooklyn_Hela_Jackson/pseuds/Brooklyn_Hela_Jackson
Summary: Loki’s wife relives one of their worst memories.





	Whatever Happens

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is part two of Control and my piece for Anaboo96’s 1K follower celebration. (Congrats @anaboo96). Thanks to her and as always to my Beta readers @thegingerslytherin and @reogni
> 
> This was a tough thing to write but I feel it came out fairly well.
> 
> !!WARNING: This fic discusses preterm labour and the death of a premature infant, and post surgical moments. If these bother you, you are hereby warned.!!

_Before_

The soft repetitive bleep was what woke her. Y/N felt so stiff as she slowly started moving her body to sit up. A hospital room. She knew it had to be but now the question was where.

“Don't.” the soft singular voice of her husband spoke.

“Lucas? What happened?” She turned her head as she continued to try and sit up.

“You need to lay down Y/N. Please.” He sounded broken and looked worse. He wasn’t even looking at her. His head hung low from his slumped shoulders, his notebook and pen abandoned in his lap and one firm hand resting on hers. His black hair hung in tendrils around his face, obscuring most of it but not hiding the fact he had been crying from his wife.

“Lucas, what happened?” He didn't answer. “Lucas.”

He made a soft sad sound. She shifted her hand to hold his, noticing how weak she felt.

“Loki. Loki what happened?” She risked as her eyes followed the IV that she spotted coming from her hand until they finally settled on the red bag that hung next to the clear bags of fluids. Y/N's voice cracked. “Loki, is that blood?”

He nodded, finally looking at her. His green eyes were bloodshot from crying. Y/N's free hand drifted unconsciously to her abdomen. Her fingers ghosted over the painful stitches and she gasped.

“Loki… what… where is…”

Loki shook his head. The one-time would-be ruler of earth could barely keep himself together. “They couldn't do anything… I tried… they're gone Y/N. I almost lost you… It's my fault. All my fault.”

Everything was cold. She understood his meaning. Y/N was pregnant. They had only been married for a little over a year. She was pregnant with his child now. Then her mind began the painful process of grief. She had been pregnant.

The memories began to trickle back.

The pain had been horrible. Her cramps had never been that bad and nothing she would do could make her back stop hurting. Then the burning cold started. This sent Loki into a panic. He wouldn't tell her what was wrong but he had Dr. Cho on the phone so quickly she wondered if he hadn't used some of his power, which was against the conditions of his being allowed to stay on earth. Y/N wasn't an idiot though, she figured out what was causing his panic. The child had inherited the one thing he had prayed it wouldn't, the Jotun side of his heritage and it might be killing her and the child she bore.

“No Loki. It's not your fault. We both knew that this was a risk.” Y/N tried to comfort her husband.

“They passed in my arms Y/N. There was nothing that could be done. So I just held them. I even tried to see if being held against my true form would help. They were so small Y/N, so innocent. I couldn't save them. I couldn't do anything.” He dropped his head again and Y/N pulled him as close to her as she could.

“Loki, hush darling. I’m still here, not all was lost.” Y/N tried to put on a brave face. Anyone else would have been shocked by how openly he wept for the loss of their child but Y/N knew her husband wanted to be a father more than he had ever wanted anything.

“I almost lost you as well my Valkyrie. It was because of my heritage that you were dying on that table. Dr. Cho doesn't know why you went into preterm labour. She believes, even full term, the delivery would have been sketchy at best. There was so much damage. You bled… there was so much blood. ” His voice was toneless. She could only imagine what he had seen as she felt the tension in his body. Rage was building below the surface. “They had to remove everything. My flesh and blood destroyed it all. I nearly killed you with my selfish desire for a family of my own.”

Y/N stared at her husband for a long moment as that sunk in. They had removed everything to save her life. A part of her was vividly aware that she would never be able to give her husband what he desired. A family of his own blood. Yet a strong part of herself, the same part that had made marrying this man, who had brought aliens to earth, a thrill instead of a terror, pushed forward.

“We can still have a family. They didn't take our hearts from us Loki.”

“No. I would never put a child through the hell I went through. We discussed this before.”

From the opposite side of the bed another soft voice spoke.

“Calm yourself. I don't wanna have to be forced to make you but I will.” The stranger's voice was cool and rational. Turning her head Y/N could see a man sitting by the window, a hand gun rested on the table next to him. “I am so sorry for your loss Ma'am and that I have to be here during such private moments but we must ensure the safety of all involved.” He stood and in long deliberate strides moved next to her husband.

“I will not destroy the world or myself Barnes. You can stand down.” Loki spoke in a heartbroken tone. He had rested his head on her shoulder. The stranger, who Y/N quickly realized was Bucky Barnes, placed a hand on her husband’s shoulder.

“Is there anything I can get either of you?” His voice was sympathetic. The Winter Soldier seemed to genuinely care about them.

Y/N shook her head. “No. Thank you, Sergeant Barnes.”

“Just following orders.”

“No, for being kind while doing so. I know Loki may never say it but I know he appreciates that you are here.” She ran her hand over her husband's hair. Y/N knew the gravity of everything would fall upon her and she would be a mess. However, for the moment, she needed to be her husband's rock.

The Soldier didn't say a word, simply gave the man he was protecting the world from a reassuring pat on the shoulder and returned to his post.

Y/N could read his expression. He was as disgusted as she was by the daylight's mockery of their pain. That it should be so bright and sunny when she needed the dark. Barnes closed the curtains and nodded at Y/N, sympathy etched on his face.

She felt Loki cautiously drape his arm over her chest, trying to be as close to her as possible. She gently kissed his soft raven hair as she felt him press his damp face into the crook of her neck. They needed each other. She slowly felt herself drift back to sleep.

 

“Y/N! WAKE UP Y/N!”

 

“Y/N, you need to wake up now.” A firm gentle voice encouraged.

Y/N mumbled groggily as she opened her eyes. The nurse leaned over her.

“Good morning Y/N. I'm Irene. I need to take a look at the incision. Is that alright?”

Y/N nodded. The woman was as formidable looking as she was kind. Immediately Y/N knee why Irene was her nurse, she could put Loki in his place if she need too.

“Where is… my husband?” Y/N's voice felt weak again. She was nervous that she couldn't hear or see him in the room. Not wanting to know what Irene was doing she tried to see if she could maybe hear her husband nearby.

“Why are you so against the idea Loki? Other than your own shitty experience.”

“That’s the thing Barnes. I don't wish to put another child through what I went through. The trauma of learning my life was a lie, that I had been stolen from my family.”

The Sergeant and Loki's voices came from the hallway and Y/N relaxed. She listened as the nurse carefully removed her bandages.

“You wouldn't be stealing them. Most of the time they are given up by the mother, sometimes the family.”

“Why?” Loki was clearly taken aback by the comment.

Barnes responded calmly. “Not everyone sees family the way you do. Some don't want one but do nothing to prevent it. However it means that people who want one can still find a child to care for.”

“So it's normal to raise another's child as your own?”

“I had to ask them to step out of the room. I apologize if that upsets you,” Irene said as she cleaned the wound. Y/N didn't look at it. She didn't want to know what her stomach looked like cut open. “But Loki won't let anyone touch you. He's not normal that one. Kept threatening to kill everyone one if, in his words, ‘You mortals let her die too!’”

“He's not that bad. Just gets aggressive when he's scared.” Y/N could feel her emotions starting to rise to the surface.

Her mind forced her to not look as the bandages went on. Irene told her that she would let Loki and Barnes know they could return. For some reason, as calm as she had been before, Y/N could feel herself crumbling. She needed Loki to hold her but at the same time, she didn't want to face him.

“Darling? Y/N, what's wrong my love?”

Y/N broke down as Loki sat on the edge of the bed. Her heart broke the moment she saw her husband. As he pulled her closer to him she mumbled against his chest.  Loki gently rubbed her back and eventually Y/N spoke loud enough for him to hear her.

“I failed you Loki. I was too weak.” She wept.

Loki looked at her in shock. “You aren't weak Y/N. Why would you think such a thing?”

“My body,” She sniffled. “My body failed to do what it is made for. To bear your child. I was so weak that I broke trying to do what I wan supposed to do. How could…”

Loki placed his fingers over her lips. “Please Y/N, I beg of you, banish those thoughts. You are so much stronger than that. Most Asgardian women would have died from the trauma you survived, my sweet Valkyrie.”

“I'm no angel Loki. I can't give you the one thing you want.” Y/N began to sob. Her heart couldn't handle looking at him. She had a million questions about the child she would never hold.

“You are a Valkyrie Y/N. The strongest warriors and the ones who choose the bravest souls to rest in Valhalla. You chose me, and chose to stay with me when most would have run.” He held her close. “I wish things would have gone in our favour. They were beautiful though. For the few moments they hung on we had a family Y/N.”

She looked back up into his eyes. To her surprise there was a glimmer of pride and maybe even hope.

“But I'll never…” she let her voice die. Loki sighed.

“There is nothing that can be done for that. As much as I wish there was Y/N…”

From his seat next to the closed curtains of the window Bucky cleared his throat.

“Loki, look, we have known each other for years. In those years since I was first assigned to watch over you and keep you in check we have come to trust each other.” He spoke with more emotion than he showed. “Yes, I was wrong about Y/N but you were wrong about the shape shifters that I knew weren't aliens. Listen to Y/N about the whole adoption thing Loki. Of anyone, you know how terrible it can be when handled wrong. You've been through it and because of that you wouldn't put your own kid through that shit. If you both want a family, it may just be the best choice.” He looked at his gun on the table. “You would love any child who saw you as their father Loki, why deny it and torment yourself. I know if I was in your place… I would look into it at the least.”

For a moment Y/N thought she saw a small bit of envy in the Soldier's eyes. That Loki may still get something that he to wanted. She wanted to reach for him but she could feel the medications making her groggy. Before she could speak, the warmth of her husband’s strong embrace lulled her back to sleep.

 

**“Y/N!! WAKE UP!!”**

_Now_

Y/N’s eyes snapped open. A masked face loomed over her. Even with the muzzle she clearly recognized those eyes, slate blue with hints of grey. Bucky Barnes.

“Oh thank fuck!” He sighed as she began to sit up. Her head was pounding.

“What… what happened?” Y/N fought to shake off the fog in her brain.

“I had to administer a cognitive recalibration.” He said as he looked at her eyes. Then nodding.

“No concussions?”

“I hope not, no signs of lingering control though. So that’s a good thing.” He pulled her to her feet. She wobbled but was able to steady herself.

“Bucky, what do mean “control” and where's Loki?” Y/N asked and Bucky immediately began to move.

She had to run to keep up. All around her she became aware of the sounds of combat. People yelling and screaming, the smell of gun powder wafting off Bucky. Then she noticed the weight she held in her right hand. Lifting her hand Y/N found she was clutching a long sword that was stained red.

“Is… is… is that… blood?” She stammered, staring at the blade as Bucky grabbed her arm.

“Yes. Y/N you need to come with me. We can't piss around.” He was nearly dragging her off her feet. She tripped and dropped the sword.

It was at that moment she realized she was also wearing white and silver armor that wasn't hers. Grabbing the blade she pulled her left arm from Bucky's hand.

“What the fuck is going on Bucky? Why am I carrying a bloody sword and wearing armor? And most importantly where the hell is Loki?”

“Look. We have no fucking clue what happened between the attack at your house and the two of you showing up here and starting to wreak havoc on the city. I barely managed to pull you far enough to make clockin’ you worth it. We need to get you outta here and somewhere…”

“I see that I chose the right piece of bait. You always did have a soft spot for this mortal. Oh Soldat, it must terrible to be so easily taken.” Bucky stopped short as the voice spoke. Y/N cringed. It was her husband's voice, twisted and distorted by his possession.

He stood directly behind them. His tall silhouette so unique that it was unmistakable. The soldier stood frozen in place as his friend strode towards them. His solid and glowing blue eyes the only sign aside from his voice that he was taken by a force greater than himself.

“Bucky!” Y/N yelled, snapping his out of his strange fixation just as Loki reached out to grab him. They both began to run.

Y/N, somehow, seemed to be keeping up with Bucky. They heard Loki laugh, sounding as distorted as his speaking voice. She could sense him following close behind but never turned to look.

An instant later Y/N cried out as she was dragged down by something attached to her shoulders. Laying on her back she saw Loki holding a fist full of pale blue cloth, a cape attached to her white and silver armor. She was dressed like a Valkyrie. Before she could react she saw a black blur slash through the cape and stand his ground between her and her husband.

“Y/N RUN!” Bucky screamed as Loki lunged at him.

This time she didn’t need to be told twice. Without looking back, Y/N ran.

**Author's Note:**

> So there will be more parts to this series. However they will be very slow to post as they are kinda tough to write. I hope you enjoyed this


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